


Our Endless Differences

by Beth22_woofie



Series: In Here, You're Mine [1]
Category: NCT (Band), Nctzen
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, First Love, M/M, Slice of Life, based off of a true story, centric! Ten, communication is important, loving someone doesn't always necessary mean you have to hold onto them, sometimes it's just pride that comes in the way, sometimes love doesn't always have a happy ending, sometimes things aren't always like what it seem, sometimes you have to let go to heal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:34:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beth22_woofie/pseuds/Beth22_woofie
Summary: They made endless mistakes because they were separated by their endless differences. But even if that was the case, their hearts still beated in sync.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Series: In Here, You're Mine [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865935
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Our Endless Differences

_i wrote a story about us,_  
_about how we first met_  
_of how we were too naive to think of_  
_the consequences of it all;_  
_of the deal we shared not to take_  
_ourselves too seriously_

_i wrote a story about us,_  
_about how we fell in love_  
_of how we found horizons even_  
_at our utmost differences_  
_of the future we knew we never_  
_had before we even began._

_i wrote a story about us,_  
_about how we fell apart_  
_of how we weren't in sync with_  
_time to love or even cared to fight_  
_of the fears we had becoming_  
_a reality, too soon, too fast._

_i wrote a story about us,_  
_about how there was no 'us'_  
_of how we realized we shouldn't_  
_have started at all_  
_because we knew the different puzzles we were,_  
_trying to fit just because we were_  
_designed with a similar pattern._

He woke to the sound of his daily alarm at 5 in the morning. Wrapping the blanket closer to his petite body he rubs his eyes from the sleep left. After twisting his spine left and then right he waddled to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and headed to the kitchen to cook breakfast after a hot shower.

Pressing the locker screen of his phone he checks the time. 6.24am. 32messages and 3chats, and a whole bunch from his best friend who nags like a baby.

_**Bunny** : pabo-ah.._  
_Yoohoo…_  
_Yah._  
_Hey,! Are you sleeping on mee agaaaain???_  
_If you forget about tomorrow I will definitely kill you_  
_Don’t you play dump on me_  
_Don’t forget to wake me either_  
_Oyyyy, araseeo??_  
_Answer me!_  
_Fine.._  
_Wear something hot_  
_Show him how he shouldn’t have let you go_  
_Sorry forget that_  
_Okay fine,_  
_good night_  
_I mean morwing_  
_Morning*_  
_Yeah, good morning Tenny_  
_Kill you later…_

Brushing his bangs to the side he let out a heavy sigh. ' _What the heck'._

_To **Bunny:**_  
_Wake up knucklehead_  
_I didn’t forget or even if I did you’d kill me. I still Want to live so I remember now and get that ass off the bed it wants to breathe!!!!!_

Putting on a sleeveless black top and a blue torn out jeans he looks at his reflection in the old body length mirror and hums an approval that he was ready to go. He calls for Doyoung and they took off to the same direction that made a turning point in his life.

A big crowd had gathered in circle on the front of the town’s biggest mall as music sucks in the attention of passerby’s eardrums. Doyoung excitedly drags uncooperative limbs to the middle of the crowd and they push their way into walls of sweaty bodies. An unknown crew was currently performing but Ten's attention was elsewhere.

He thought he could just watch the day flew by but even before 5 minutes of standing he almost regretted his decision to come for God knows how many times when a certain tall figure approached him. He stood motionless as girls whispered to one another on how the guy looked hot and had killer looks plus how much of an amazing dancer he was.

He is famous now.

Holding a charity drop box in hand the tall dancer stood opening his mouth to say something but Ten turned and dashed.

He wasn’t suppose to remember him. He wasn’t supposed to recognize him. He had only seen him once in real and how dare he remember. Dare he even try to talk to him. Who gave him permission for that?

'Wait, he likes to crash in and that too was how he entered his uneven life'.

"Ten.. .”

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

**October 30th 2014**

***JohnSeo is in a relationship with Seulgi***

“Tenny, would you like a coffee?” He stares at his phone screen, stunned but maybe he might have expected it at the same time because not a single tear fell. He knew something was up.

Johnny is seriously a great dancer plus he is attractive so how would he ever fall for a guy like him when there are pretty girls out there running after him.

“Ten?"

“Huh? Oh mom, ah.. No I’m fine” his mom smiled and left the room without closing the door. Ten got up and closed it and shuffled back to get dressed for the day. He looks at his reflection and did not miss the bags under his eyes. Both from staying up too often and whatever has been troubling him for weeks. He stared at the threaded wristband hanging loosely around his bony wrist and felt pity for tiring himself out to braid the band. He still had three subjects ahead and an added pain is of no help in his exams.

He set out to face the heavy load and waves goodbye to his mother with a good luck wish and a peck to his little girl swishing her tail lovingly with flattened ears. He did not know what made him felt extremely hollow that day but everything seems lifeless to his eyes. The world that day only give off the colors of dark clouds and gray driveways.

That evening he found his eyes bore holes at the photo of Johnny’s display photo adorned by a picture of a smiling Johnny accompanied by a girl. He did not need to look up for the girl because he perfectly knew who she was. Seulgi, the model. She wasn't a world-class known model but still she is stunningly beautiful.

A ‘ding’ sound of Ten’s notification tone alerted him reading it was from Taeyong, a facebook buddy that somehow came out as a close friend.

_**TY** :_  
_Tennn_  
_[Attached photo]_  
_What is this? Have you seen it? I was soooo shocked!!! Who is she???_  
_I thought you two were still keeping in contact.. . . ???_

_to **TY:**_  
_I know right?? Lol_

_**TY** :_  
_You okay bro?_

_to **TY** :_  
_Sure, you know what??_

_**TY** :_  
_What? Speak up!_

_to **TY** :_  
_I hate him lool_

_**TY** :_  
_Lol_  
_Gosh I thought for a sec it was gonna be totally serious_  
_You had me there, dude_

‘ _Yeah_ ’ he thought _‘he had me for a while too_ '.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

“The view isn’t all that good from up here” Ten jumps at the sound only to find Johnny’s best friend, Jaehyun, who is also a dancer and happens to be Doyoung’s ex.

Doyoung and Jaehyun dated before Ten and Johnny knew each other. In fact it was on their credit that the two started contacting each other. However, they didn’t last for a year on the cost of Doyoung’s oblivion to flirtation and Jaehyun’s jealousy. But the two managed to part normally and unharmed unlike him and Johnny. But Ten was still surprised to see the other as they’ve never really spoken a word or two in person.

“Not interested” he brushes him off. He never came to please his eyes in the first place. Jaehyun just smiled.

“Well, that’s okay in that case. I guess”

“What are you doing here?” he blurted out unsure of what to expect from the other. He knew he might sound rude but Jaehyun is the last person he wants to see other than Johnny.

"Why did you keep running away from me?' Jaehyun asked out of the blue.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, not getting where the conversation was going.

“December 2013” that was the second time he attended the charity event. The second time he saw Johnny and got too scared to talk to him in person. The dancer had not recognized him then but he remembered the unsure acknowledgement when Johnny glanced his way a few times. He made a fool out of himself by breaking the eye contact each time to later be scolded by the other himself when Ten told him that night. They talked about how they felt about seeing the other for the very first time after a good year of knowing each other through SNS.

“He asked or should I say begged me to take a picture of you because you know, he was too shy to just talk to you” Ten did remember running away but he did not know that Jaehyun was aiming for him and not Doyoung.

The two did had a cute relationship but they parted because Jaehyun was too overprotective and short tempered for Doyoung's tolerance so his friend dumped Jaehyun.

He chuckled bitterly at the reference of Johnny being a shy person. He was bold enough to upload a picture of him and his girlfriend kissing. He never heard from him when he started dating somebody else. Though the dancer tried to explain that it wasn't them but a friend who thought it was funny to play a prank on Johnny's fans. Johnny was and is still a cruel and heartless person. And that is all he is and will ever be.

“I just want to say one thing” Jaehyun released a breath “I don’t know what exactly happened between the two you but.. .I thought you were gonna make it”

"What do you mean?” he has all but been asking, not filtering any single word that had came out of the other's mouth by far.

“Johnny loved you” Ten laughs a bitter laugh and Jaehyun looks at him sadly. Of course his friend would come to clean Johnny's mess. What are friends for?. It wasn't like he was gonna reveal Johnny's true nature. “He really did”

“Yeah” Ten replied sarcastically wanting to hit anything and everything at the moment for being reminded of something he had hoped to hear for the past 3 years but getting pissed at it. Such a stupid wistful thing, he knew better than that now.

“He still does” Ten stares hard at the other for a good minute, waiting to hear that a joke had been well played and he was the victim but no, Jaehyun all but remained calm and sincere at his stand. Ten gave up.

“May be he did” he uttered softly and forcefully “May be for a little while” Jaehyun smiles and clasp his hand on the owner of the tired soul, giving it a light squeeze.

“It’s always been you for him” Ten’s eyes flickered up, taken aback and Jaehyun just smiles and left.

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

**31st October 2014**

He laughed in bitter as small clouds of warm breath painted fog in front of his eyes. Two Chemistry textbooks and a note scribbled with solutions and a cup of freshly made coffee stayed by the study table of his bedroom.

Looking at the sun peeking behind the clouds he wondered if he could go back in time. He would change ever saying ‘okay’ because he isn’t okay. He would not have gone against his parents and he would not have to keep everything closeted and extremely unbearable that it choked him till he started to lose his mind.

“I wouldn’t have made you alive” he said to the band wrapped around his wrist. A mixture of reds, browns, light greens, peach and purples swirling around in braided pattern."I wouldn’t have neglected my waist injury to suffer the hours of completing you for nothing”.

***JohnSeo updated his status:***  
What have I done?

***Seulgi commented on this:***  
What the hell are you talking about?

He said he was coming back. Johnny clearly told him how he was excited to see him when he comes back to Korea after his trip to Japan for shooting and other business. Told him how he wouldn’t waste a day. That was just a month earlier.

He scrolls through his past photos, and some of them were the ones Ten took of the dancer while he was performing. He stopped to admire a particular photo. A picture taken a month ago. The photo Johnny sent to him while they chatted before uploading it. He had asked Ten to choose between two because he couldn’t decide and Ten had badly needed to prepare for the upcoming exam so he had roughly collaged them together and told him to went with it.

He remembered how the dancer nagged him nonstop for the next five minutes to pay more attention to him and he eventually had to switch his phone off. But that only lasted for a few minutes because they barely had enough time to talk to each other. Ten had laughed out loud when he saw the last message from the dancer informing he had uploaded the photo and he should see it immediately.

The grip on his phone tightened when his account was still tagged on the photo, so were the other pictures. He scrolled past to the very end and tabbed the unfriend option and confirmed it without any hesitation.

He closed his tired eyes and wished to the stars to make him alright. At least through the final exams he has yet to face. He chuckled dryly as memories of his confession to Johnny played at the back of his mind. February 14th 2014, he confessed to him half accidentally. The dancer had pushed him to spill the beans out when he already knew the outcome.

‘I like you too, a lot. But I’m chasing my dream right now and I barely have enough time to talk to you. I’m sorry but I won’t have time for you and I don’t want us to be like that’

'I know, it’s okay’ was the only thing he said before he stopped all contact with the other at that time, letting go even though Johnny tried to keep contact with him.

He heaves a big sigh and taps his cheeks for thinking too much when he still needs his blurry mind to focus on a lot of other things. He is on his last year before finally attending college when Johnny already started the journey to his dream. How many differences was that besides their total differences.

Johnny loves dancing; he loves writing. Johnny listens to upbeat songs; he listens to musical pieces. Johnny is popular and well loved and he is just a nobody.

Stretching his arms and legs and a twist of his waist he walks to his table. He turns the pages of his overused textbook and almost cried at the amount he has not even started at. The tired student looks at the time on his phone screen and briefly checks his chat box. He almost put it down before quickly tapping again. His finger lingered for a second before swiping view on Johnny’s contact address. He press ‘Delete’ and ‘OK’ and threw it to his bed and smiles. Huffing and puffing for a lot of work still waiting.

_**30th October 2014** (7.32pm)_  
_to **Johnny** :_  
_Thank you so much_

_**31st October 2014** (2.55am)_  
_**Johnny** :_  
_I’m sorry Ten_

▪ ▪ ▪ ▪

“Let go of my hand” the smaller deadpanned. They were on the rooftop again. The dancer had dragged him up and Ten knew better than to create a scene by protesting. Johnny immediately let go but trapped the smaller by putting both his strong arms on each side of the other on the wall. Ten almost couldn’t breathe if he had not focused more on his anger instead of his heart.

“Please I need you to listen to me this once” Johnny begs.

“When have I not?” the trapped one challenge and stared right back but regrets it as soon as he did. ”When have I not put you first?” Johnny clears his throat nervously and hesitated for a moment.

"It’s more like ‘Why should you put me first’ isn’t it?”

"What?” he half yells in disbelief.

“You never loved me so when have you put me first” the smaller stood shocked with emerging anger.

"What?”

“I knew you never loved me” the taller stares hard at the wall behind the other’s face, not having enough courage to look at the disbelieving eyes.

“Didn’t you know that I told you twice? Or were you not attentive?” Johnny chuckles bitterly.

“You told me, yes” he laughes, his throat dry of amusement “But you didn’t” he turns around and huffs in frustration. "Look I’m not an idiot, okay? You told me you loved me because I was mad at you. I told you I was there for you and that I loved you but” he stops to look at the smaller’s eyes. “But you did not loved me back, I was hurt but I said I could wait. We had known each other for 2 years by then and even after a month of being together and loving you one-sided you still couldn’t love me”

“If you had really loved me you wouldn’t have cheated on me” Ten whispers softly, trying to deny the truth as guilt and tears started to embrace the anger.

"I know..” the taller sighs “and I’m sorry. It was just that after two years of holding myself back killed me” he held back his fist from wiping the other’s tears. He could have the other in front of him after so long and he wasn’t gonna scare him away until he clears their misunderstandings. “The years that I’ve known you I have always liked you and I don’t know how or when I fell for you but I knew it was way before you told me you liked me. I was happy but lost at the same time for I couldn’t ask you out. I had not figured myself out then and I was not gonna to be the best boyfriend. I had very limited time to talk to you because I was making a stable living. But then when you didn’t want to make any more contact after that I understood. I mean, I thought I did” he took a tired breath and almost reached for the other’s hand but stopped, curling his fist once again to control his heart. “I lived by the months missing you a little bit of too much”

“Stop” Ten interrupts but the dancer wasn’t listening.

“and then I contacted you and you answered. You recognized me right away and I was so happy but I thought I was gonna feel better but I didn’t. I missed you more. I finally decided I wanted you and you said yes after making me doubt for a whole night and making me wait yet another day for your answer. I thought I finally had you and I was content” he stops and took a short glance at the one before him with eyes filled with hurt and desperation.

“What does this have anything to do with us anymore?” Ten asked, bitter than he would have wanted because he was exhausted. Johnny averts his eyes back to the wall instead.

“Why are you telling me all this after what you’ve put me through?” the dancer's tears fell for the first time and Ten steps back pressing himself further into the wall, shocked to see the other cry.

“I was just that someone you used to like” the dancer keeps his gaze to the wall “At first I thought you were just guarded but no” he chuckles "you were not the same. The months we stayed away from each other you managed to let me go while I was wrapped up in us. I thought you needed time to welcome me back but you drew a distance every time I brought up that I love you and denied when I asked you out. I said I would wait but after a while I had a rough day and got frustrated that you couldn’t love me back and maybe you’ll never" Johnny began choking on his words.

"You needed a reason to love me and I got upset. You told me you loved me then but I knew you didn’t. And that stabbed me the most. You felt nothing for me but pity. Those words I expected most hurt me the most. Is that the way relationships are supposed to be?”

The smaller’s tears kept falling. He said too much. He talked too much. He began to understand the others perspective but he still couldn’t take it all in. Everything decided to revolve all at once and that made him dizzy.

“And Seulgi showed up a week later. She treated me the way I wished you would. I kept myself distant at first but you made no heed to make our relationship better. You made no approach to talk to me first”

“YOU SHOULD’VE TOLD ME” Ten cries out. YOU NEVER TALKED TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING THAT FRUSTRATED YOU AND HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO REACT TO THAT?! AND NOW YOU THINK IT’S GOOD TO SAY IT ALL AT ONCE WHEN IT ISN’T!” He shouts, clearly out of his mind.

“ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS HOW YOU FEEL AND NOT MINE. YOU CARE HOW EXHAUSTED YOU ARE AND HOW TIRED YOU ARE BUT NEVER HOW YOU HURT ME. I CONFESSED TO YOU BUT YOU REJECTED ME, HOW DO YOU THINK I’D FEEL AFTER THAT?" 

He took a deep breath and searches for the other's eyes, for something he don't even know "I was so embarrassed I thought I could die" he half whispered but he laughs when his anger crawled back in "I CRIED THE WHOLE NIGHT WISHING I COULD GO BACK AND NOT HAVE SAID IT SO WE COULD AT LEAST STAY FRIENDS!!”

“I didn’t want to” the taller breathes out softly the other almost missed it.

“WHAT?”

“All the troubles and the world itself, I wanted to forget everything else when I was with you. I wanted to have a different world with you” Johnny looks so broken and apologetic but Ten did not know any better way to make him alright when he can't even collect himself right now.

“And you loved me so much you dated another” he said tiredly.

“I was in an accident” Ten’s eyes went wild at the new information “Seulgi came right away because she lives just a block far and is a close friend of my sister. I was really excited to see you hoping perhaps things would become better if I came back home and we can settle things out in the clear. I tried to contact you many times. I called you but you never picked up my calls. We promised to see each other October 15th I remembered and called you the next morning but you never picked up. I had to stay at the hospital for a week. Seulgi came by everyday and took care of me. I wished you were the one though. Two weeks gone by and you never called back. No text either. I didn’t remember what happened but one day she told me she loved me”

“So then it was my ENTIRE FAULT?” anger and frustration builds up with a mixture of guilt and jealousy. He couldn't believe how messed up they were. Johnny disappeared for a whole of three weeks and Ten did not know that not picking up his calls would create a big influence in their relationship. That too was during their final exam and it wasn't a solid intention too.

“IT WAS ALL MY FAULT THAT YOU COULDN’T HOLD BACK?. IT WAS MY ENTIRE FAULT THAT YOU CHEATED ON ME AND DON’T EVEN CARE TO TELL ME TILL I SAW IT ONLINE?. IT WAS MY ENTIRE FAULT THAT ALL YOU SAID WAS SORRY WITH NO FURTHER EXPLANATION?. IT WAS MY ENTIRE FAULT. IS THAT WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO TELL ME?” Ten shook his head but everything stayed as messy as it was.

“No”

“THEN WHAT?" he exclaims "TELL ME!! TELL ME WHY I'M STILL HERE LISTENING TO YOUR PATHETIC STORY!!” Ten screams. He didn’t want this. Never wanted this but he couldn’t bear to break into smaller pieces than he already was. He would just turn into ashes.

“I know. We broke up after a week” the smaller fell limbless on the ground getting tired of all the ruckus “I deleted my account because I was.. I don’t know” they stay in silence for a couple of minutes, either of them not having any more to say. They’ve said a lot but nothing seems to get any better than how fucked up it was.

“We don’t belong together”

_```Point of no return and now it's just too late to turn around.. .```_

“This was for you” Ten hands him the wristband and the dancer took it and smiles a tired but sincere smile for the first time that day.

It‘s been a while after they sat in comfortable silence. Maybe not saying anything is better than all the explaining they did earlier.

“I’m sorry”

“I’m sorry too”

“I should go” the younger said as he stood and brushes off the invisible dirt on his jeans. “Don’t” he holds his hands up as soon Johnny made an attempt to follow.

“Goodbye.. . _Youngho_ ” he said with a smile that did not quiet reach his once bright eyes. Tears wells up at the corner of the taller’s eyes but he reassures himself not to cry. The other always address him by his Korean name when he is being serious. He knows what Ten meant and he knows he is not lying this time. There is nothing more to lie or talk about. Discussion over. There are just blank spaces in their story where both had lost their energy to continue.

“Goodbye” he says, voice slightly quivering.

"Goodbye.. TenTen”

Ten’s tears falls freely with his heart. He makes a turn, missing the tear that followed from the person whose heart he just crushed, yet again.

_````I tried to forgive you but I struggle cause I don’t know how````_

_Rewind.. .15 minutes earlier_

_“I bought a dance studio in Chicago” Johnny said in the comfortable silence. The event ended and people had started clearing the space they used._

_"I know” Johnny turns to look at Ten, surprised._

_“I’m leaving coming January second week” Ten hums a reply that he knew “What about you?”_

_“I’m going back home by end of January” Same old differences. "I won't come back"_

_“I guess..”_

_“Yeah”_

_There are words unspoken. There are thoughts understood. They don't have to say much now that it is coming to an end._

_A dead end._

_“I love you” Johnny says after a while and the smaller tightens his hold on the railings of the rooftop. Johnny looks away, feeling his heart clenching, but smiling nonetheless. They both stares out at the open, feeling the cool breeze as time tick its way by._

_“I know”_

_````We built it up so high and now I'm fallin_

_And it's a long way down````_

_‘I love you too’_

_.. .and in a parallel world,,_

_at some point, or somewhere along the_

_lines,, you'll find me say 'i love you',_

_instead of all those 'i hate you's and 'fuck off's._


End file.
